Wow. Where has the time gone? Have I really not posted in over a month? I was doing so well. And even with new gear! For shame, for shame.

At the end of the month, I did something I never thought I’d do. Sure, I’d drooled over videos on YouTube. I’d read reviews. I’d searched pictures on Instagram. But I’d also discounted the idea as folly. I knew I could never pull the trigger. Until I did. Behold, my Leica M10, paired with a Voigtlander 35/1.4.

I really never expected to invest this much into a single body. However, the more I thought about it, I realized that I have cameras going back to my very first. Many of them I still use actively depending on the situation. Amortized over the years, the cost diminishes. Beyond that, though, was one overarching feeling. Mental health.

Mental health isn’t something I talk about much or really give much thought to in general. Lately, though, my job has been (perhaps literally) killing me. I’ve never felt the stress I feel in this job in my 30 years of post-military life. Hell, back it up. I never felt this much stress boarding foreign vessels in the middle of the Persian Gulf. This is the only job that’s made me physically ill at the thought of going to work in the morning. I once looked forward to the weekend. Now it’s just a momentary pause from hell. I really look at the weekend as having one worthwhile day. Friday’s no longer excite me. And Sunday is just a reminder that hell is but a few hours away as the dark cloud of doom rolls in.

When I take the camera out, regardless of where I am or what I’m photographing, I don’t think about it. My nights are frequently interrupted with thoughts of what I have to do the next day. I regularly find myself in my free time forcing my mind back to the present when it lapses back to work. It’s a never-ending battle and a daily struggle. But not when I have a camera in my hand. It’s the only time that the stress fades away. My eyes open to the world around me and I see the little things. I see the silly things. For a moment, all is truly right with the world, even if only in my field of vision, and my mind is clear.

So I bought the M10. It was insanely expensive. It was worth every penny. I hold it on my lap while I drive. It’s almost like a security blanket. It sits next to me on my desk or on the couch. I’ll pick it up periodically just because I like the feel of it. I love the weight. I love peering through the viewfinder and practicing my focusing.

I find that the Leica slows me down. I’m more intentional. I have to remember to take the lens cap off. I love the rangefinder experience that Leica gives me (as well as my other rangefinder bodies). I don’t always nail the focus, but I don’t always mind.

I love the colors that come out of the M10. Sure, I don’t have any Leica/Leitz glass yet, but the Voigtlander is very nice and is a respected brand. It’s small and lightweight which pairs well with the M10 for a compact around-town setup.

I’m really looking forward to getting out more. I’ve done a good job lately, but I need to keep pushing. I need to keep finding the extraordinary in the ordinary. I need to keep exploring.

I need to keep my sanity.